Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I Refuse To Go Through Body Scanning Machines

An interesting and timely piece in the WSJ about full-body scanners at airports.

Going through IND last month I encountered my first one. There was a "regular" metal detector line right next to the body scan line. Travelers self-select their line and I wasn't paying attention. In other words, if I were a terrorist hiding something I would have just paid attention and got my butt in the right line.

But since I wasn't paying attention I found myself in the body scan line. I refused to go through it.

"Sir, if you refuse then you'll have to go through the metal detector then go through a full body pat-down."

"No prob. That blonde over there can pat me down. I like women in uniform. Make sure she wears her cuffs."

"Sir, do I understand you are refusing the body scan?"

"And when she gets to my pants, she doesn't have to use the "back of her hand" either. She can go Full Monte".

"This way, sir"

"One question - what if I had chosen the other line? I would just get the metal detector, right?"

"That's right."

"Well, I chose this line to get the pat-down from the blonde."

Unfortunately my old nemesis, Dirk the TSA dude, was called from the back for my pat-down. It was better for him than it was for me.

Why do I refuse the machines? Because they are ridiculous. Because they do not make passengers safer. Because they will never foil a terrorist plot. They are simply another intrusion by the government to make sheeple believe they are safer, when in fact the government is doing everything in its power to make people less safe by refusing to profile.

So I will refuse and keep making the TSA go through their ridiculous charade of patting me down,  One day I'll finally get that blonde wearing the cuffs to feel me up.

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