Thursday, December 30, 2004

Female-Male Translation: Getting Ready

As I enter the second half of my forth decade, I am finding that I am finally starting to understand female speech. It has taken years of hard work, and I have yet to find a "Rosetta Stone", but I am making slow and steady progress.

Here is what I have so far for "Getting Ready":
I'll be ready in an hour - Start a movie, preferably an epic like "Ben Hur" or "Gladiator". You got two hours, minimum, my friend.

I only have to do my hair and make-up - You have time for a major task. I prefer to take my car to a local Jiffy Lube for an oil change and brake check. I get back before she finishes her mascara.

I'm putting on my clothes now - This one is variable, depending on her closet size and number of accessories, as she will be trying on every piece of clothing she owns. Unfortunately you won't be able to do anything else since you will have to sit around dispensing advice (hint: answer "no" when asked "does this make me look fat?")

I'm ready! - You got 15 more minutes. I have yet to figure this one out. I will see a fully coiffed, made-up and clothed female and will go out and get the car started, and sit there 15 minutes before she exits the front door. This is one mystery I don't think I will figure out.

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