The screener going through my bag looked familiar. I looked closer and saw that it was Dirk, who traded in his mullet for a crew cut. He had really acclimated to the TSA culture.
"I notice you have toiletries in here."
"Um, yes," I replied. "I took out everything liquid and pasty and left everything that would pass screening."
"Pass screening? Isn't that for me to decide? For example, what's this?"
"To you, maybe. To me it is a possible garrotte. I am afraid I I'll have to confiscate it. And what's this?"
"These teeth are reinforced plastic. You could break off a bunch, leaving you a handle with a sharp protrusion at the end. You can't bring this on."
"Okay. Whatever. Take it all, I have to catch my plane."
"One more thing. What's this?"
"Oh, those are Tae Kwon Do shoes. They are smaller and lighter than regular gym shoes, so I pack them for working out in hotel gyms."
"But when you don't use them for gym workouts, you use them for Tae Kwon Do?"
He squinted and looked uneasily at me. "So your hands and feet could be considered weapons?" His right hand slowly lowered towards his gun.
I ran out of the airport as fast as I could, not caring if I missed my flight.