Cliches and Catch Phrases

Just Procrastinating Has a Dream: develop a cliche that will be universally adopted.

This is a worthy goal, and similar to a major professional aspiration for advertising executives: creating a massively used "catch phrase". While cliches are truisms that people use for specific cases, catch phrases usually don't designate any deep truth or meaning, and - ideally - relate back to the product. In addition, cliches are generational or regional, while catch phrases usually last a few months, tops (example: "I love you man!")

Besides advertising, catch phrases also come from movies ("I'll be bak"), comedians ("Now, isn't that Special?!)" and TV shows ("Don't have a cow, man!").

The thing is, our culture generates so many catch phrases that there is there is a board game which names the catch phrase, and you name the source.

Based on this I will create my own cliche: Everyone in America will generate a catchphrase once in their life (okay, maybe I am ripping of Warhol's idea a little).

A Tech Guy Who's Behind The Tech Curve

I got my VOIP box today. Set it up in 30 seconds. Works great. No more long-distance toll calling for me.

Thing is, I am a little late to the VOIP revolution - even my 66 year old parents had it before I did. But the fact of the matter is that I have always been a non-innovator when it came to tech:



This is a little surprising from someone who has a Electrical Engineering degree and has worked in tech for 14 of my 16 professional years, but it's because I work in tech that I wait a bit. I know what bugs, problems, and general crap that is put out there early. I have seen that you really need to let the Innovators work the bugs out and - more importantly - wait for the price to come down into the consumer space. If I think about various technical items around my home, I have been pretty consistent in this strategy:

Personal Computer - Probably the only device where I was even close to the Innovator stage, if only because my parents saw the opportunities it could open to their 13-year-old. They were right - look what I do for a living. I wonder what ever happened to that Commodore PET?

PDA - The only reason I was an early adopter on this one was that I came to work one day in 1997 and saw that everyone - and I mean everyone - was walking around with a Palm. Turns out some manager okayed expensing them to the company, so everyone ran out and bought one. Who was I to turn down a free Palm?

Cell Phone - I was a Late Majority on this one not because I wanted to wait for the technology, but because I didn't want to be tethered to my boss. I got my first one in 1999, a bit late to the party, although my boss did make me carry a pager for a year before that.

Digital Camera - This one is pretty funny - I didn't get one until 2001, but I worked at a company starting in 1999 that (planned to) make chips for this market. I was really hoping my first camera would have MY chip in it, but the company went belly-up before I had the opportunity. I was probably right at the Early/Late majority border. I "acquired" a camcorder that same year since I had a kid - a required accessory to a camcorder.

DVR - 2003, almost exactly two years ago. Don't know how I lived without it. Probably Early Majority.

VOIP - Today, probably Early Majority.

I still don't have a flat screen TV (waiting for LCDs to get a lot bigger and cheaper) or HDTV (waiting on the flat panel, plus don't want another box cluttering up my TV area). I may also wait until the whole Hi-Def DVD thing works itself out. There is going to be another Betamax/VHS fight with BlueRay and HD-DVD, and I don't want to invest on the losing side of that war.

If First You Don't Succeed....

There's nothing wrong with failure as long as you learn from your mistakes. So, I want each of you gentlemen to reflect on why you failed, and then go out there and give it the ol' college try again. The world is behind you on this one: Mass Suicide Attempt at Gitmo.

And, boys, if you fail there, maybe the good ol' USA can ship you to Oregon and let them assist you in the process. There's nothing wrong with a little help from time to time.

Because There Is No Amex in Hell

Thinking about currency collecting, I thought I would mention a somewhat unusual practice out of Asia: Hell Notes:



This is money that you burn and send down to Hell in front of you. By the time you die - and assuming you're going down instead of up - you can build up a nice account for yourself down there for, well, whatever is on sale down in Hell (You think there is a Hellmart?). You can also burn Hell notes to send down to other people who might be down there, but hey, why bother with charity if they're already in Hell?

There is no equivalent Heaven note. Does this mean Hell is capitalistic and Heaven a commune? I shudder just thinking about it. I'll just assume that Heaven doesn't have any scarcity, so has no need for money.

I'm Not Setting Foot On This Plane

As a frequent flier, I actually am one of those people who makes note of the model of plane being offered when I book reservations. The issue ranks below scheduling in order of importance, but all things being equal, there are some planes I prefer to be on than others (I avoid MD 80s - aka Multiple Defect 80s - for example).

Well, here is one plane that I will change schedules to avoid: Airbus Unveils Monster Passenger Jet. Why? Let's count the reasons:

1. Bigger means more crowded - Getting on a rinki-dink 737 for a short-haul trip takes half an hour for 120 passengers to get on and stow their 4 carry-on bags. How long you think it will take to load 555 passengers?

2. Bathroom Lines - What do you want to bet this thing has the same number of bathrooms as planes that carry half as many passengers?

3. Thirsty? - Since they increased the number of passengers, they'll probably increase the number of stewardesses. Yeah, right.

4. European - I'm sure this plane will hold up as well as the airports the French built for it.

5. Bomb Magnet - For those terrorist cells running low on martyrs, this is a can't-pass opportunity to kill twice as many passengers with half as many suicide bombers.