Eight Years in California

Today marks the eighth anniversary of my arrival to the Left Coast. The original plan was to come for a few years, make a bunch of money, and return to a sane location, like my native Texas. So I made a bunch of money and (before I lost it all), I decided not to leave. I decided I liked it here.

After all, what's not to like? I live two miles from the ocean. I can go for a stroll with a coffee on the beach or go surfing any time. My house doesn't have air conditioning since it never gets above seventy degrees. I live a mile from a bike trail, a mile from a community weight room and two miles from two top-class malls. I office out of my house. I never drive more than ten minutes anywhere. There is a not-too-big airport nearby if I need to fly somewhere. LA is an hour north, San Diego an hour south if I need to go to a metropolis. The immediate area is conservative.

I basically have a pretty sweet set-up here in The OC and I don't see myself leaving any time in the near future. If only the state would get rid of its moonbat senators, I would really like the place, but I don't see that happening.

I'm No Longer a Missing Link

The problem with men as they reach middle age is that they lose hair where they want it and gain it where they don't.

- Billy Crystal in "City Slickers"


I'm going to get a lot of #$&% for admitting it, but I will just come out and say it: I had my back waxed.

Okay, okay, I can hear the jeers out there, but this was not a decision I came to quickly or easily. There were a lot of factors that came into it:

• Furrier and Furrier - My back had the look of a Greek statue until I hit 30; until then it was slick and smooth. Then the fur started growing in. A little a first, then more and more as each year passed. I figured I would be mistaken for a bear by the time I reached 45.

• Social Non-Acceptance of Fur - I have noticed a lot of ads recently that make fun of men with furry backs. The most recent has a bikini-clad model sitting next to the missing link - as shown from behind in a bathing suit. And the obvious reaction to this is supposed to be "Eeewww".

• Social Acceptance of Men's Spa Treatments - You keep hearing about men's facials, manicures and other spa treatments, including waxing. There was a even a scene in Hitch when Kevin James got his back waxed before the Big Date with "Allegra".

• Yoga in a Mirror - The thing about taking Bikram is that you are in front of a mirror for 90 minutes in nothing but (basically) a bathing suit. That's a lot of time to notice your imperfections. You also get to notice everyone else's in the room, and I found myself asking "MY back isn't that furry, is it?"

• Snide Comments from the Mrs. - When Mrs. Director "jokes" that I should put the shaving cream on my back as well as my face, well, that is certainly an incentive.
  

So after thinking about it for a long time, I decided so ahead and take the plunge. The proprietor of one-woman spa didn't even pause when I called and told her what I wanted. She just responded with a "see you tomorrow!" This is a featured treatment in her flier, so I figure she gets a lot of these.

When I got there, it was like a trip to the barber: "I'll style it so that it looks natural to the hair on your upper arms" (I'm not making this up). Then the process began. The hot wax was the painful part. Pulling the strips off wasn't that big a deal. It was just like ripping a band-aid off. Fifty times. The entire process took thirty minutes, and covered my entire back from the lower neck to right above the hips.

And the results: pretty damn good. I went from having a back that could belong to a chimp to one as smooth as the proverbial baby's bottom. I can certainly strut my stuff at the beach now. Mrs. Director also seems pleased.

The only bad part is that, to keep this look, I have to keep going back every other month or so. Supposedly, the hair will get finer and finer over time so I can go less and less often.

Airline Miles Are Getting More and More Worthless

When I started traveling for business in the late 80s, it took 25,000 miles to get a free round trip domestic ticket. There were a few black-out dates here and there, but it really wasn't that hard to get a seat if you booked a month or so in advance.

As the 90s progressed, it became harder and harder to cash in the points. Not only were there blackout dates, but airlines started putting tight limits on the number of seats they would release for mileage on each flight. And the number of people with points exploded, so there were more people competing for fewer seats.

Then in the late 90s the mileage requirement per seat started going up. 25,000 miles became 30,000. Then the airlines introduced "dual track" mileage, charging a higher set of miles for "peak" periods - first 40,000 and then 50,000. And these were for flights that you typically wanted to take, so they effectively raised the rates unless you wanted to fly the red-eye.

It looks like the next step is that the airlines are just going to go to 50,000 miles for everything. I just got this from United:

Effective Oct. 16, 2006, the number of miles required to redeem for many Standard and select Saver Awards will change. As an example, the domestic Economy Standard Award redemption amount will increase from 40,000 to 50,000 miles, matching most other U.S. carriers' current standard award levels.

Even Southwest, which had the most liberal and user-friendly rules, is tightening down with one-year expirations on their tickets and certain blackout periods - which they didn't used to have at all.

And during this time the flying experience is getting worse and worse with more packed-in seats, fuller flights, more delays, higher ticket prices, and smaller flight crews. It seems that the airlines should be giving me MORE rewards for flying so much, not less.

My New Facade, Phase II - Choosing and Architect

As noted before, I have been thinking about adding to my house and changing the facade for some time. After lining up the money (which I put first because of rising interest rates), I next needed an architect.

I didn't want to go through the Yellow Pages, so I decided to try the trite and true method of "word of mouth": I asked people I knew who had additions or new construction if they would recommend their architect. I got absolutely no leads going this route since the people I talked to either didn't like their architect, their architect stopped doing residential work, or they had moved to a higher price bracket and were no longer affordable for "just" add-on work.

Since that failed, I next had Mrs. Director send an email out to her company: "Does anyone know the name a good architect?". One wag responded "Frank Lloyd Wright". But we did get one - and only one - recommendation, so I brought him in for an interview.

We talked for about 45 minutes and didn't hit it off. He showed me some work he had done before, but I really wanted to hear what he thought he could do to my house. I threw out some ideas on what I wanted to do and got ignored, the implication being that giving ideas at this stage would constitute "work" and that he would engage in that activity once I signed on the dotted line. I told him I would get back to him.

Having exhausted the Word-of-Mouth route, I decided to go with the "new" way of doing business: the internet. I did some searches and found that there is a website that acts as a marriage broker between architects and clients. Although I knew I would end up on a spam list, I figured I had nothing to loose and gave it a try.

24 Hours later I had the names of four architects in my area, who also had my name as a potential client. One day later two called and left voice mails, and one left me an email. I thought this was promising since these were obviously people who were looking for work. I talked to two based on their office location and invited them over for an interview. I thought the third was too far away to have an effective dialog.

One guy didn't show up for his appointment. He not only didn't show, he didn't call later to explain why. Obviously a flake. The other guy not only showed up on time, but took an immediate interest in my project, bounced ideas off me, walked the property line and the inside of the house, and got a feel of what I wanted to do.

I felt he had an immediate grasp of the project at hand and I asked him to send me a quote. 24 Hours later I had one waiting in my in-box. It was a little higher than I expected, but within my total budget. I checked his references and his license with the State of California, and everything looked great. I negotiated a few concessions out of him and signed him up.

So the lesson here: the internet worked better than word-of-mouth for a profession that traditionally gets all its business from the "old fashion" method. I'll have to decide whether to go this route for the Contractor, which has a higher risk (and cost) associated with it.

The next phase is finishing the blueprints and getting City Planning approval. I am guessing this will take three months from the time I start getting concepts next week until I get the blueprints "stamped" by the city, so don't expect an update here until the July time frame.

Aston Martin or Tibet?

Based on a True Story

Two young executives, Andy and Bob, are brought on as VPs at a start-up. They toil for years going through ups and downs, at one point honestly believing the company would shut down for good. But through hard work, determination, and just a little bit of luck, everything pulls together and the company starts growing. It finally starts making money. It actually goes public. The two guys who at one point thought they lost everything found that they were suddenly sitting on stock options worth millions.

After the IPO, the VPs were having a beer together, and the topic came up what to do with their stock. They both felt the company was still growing, so they didn't want to cash in. But they put in years of hard work and effort, and wanted to do something with their hard earned money. So the two agreed they would each cash out $250K and spend it on a "non-necessity", i.e. it could only be spent on something they wouldn't do unless they had money to burn.

Andy decided to take a leave of absence and go to Tibet. He liked the outdoors, was an avid camper, and the thought of seeing the Himalayas and mystery of Tibet had always fascinated him. With the money he could put his affairs in order for a few months, not worry about an income for a while, and arrange his travel and equipment. But he certainly wouldn't need very much money once he got there.

Bob got an Aston Martin Vantage.

So if you had to pick one - and these are your only choices - which would you choose?

For me this is a no brainer: ASTON MARTIN. I have an eternity to wonder about the mysteries of Tibet. I have only about fifty more years to enjoy an Aston Martin. Besides, I've been inside the Vantage in question and it is sweet.

He's Going for a Gun!

Bush: I'm going to reach right in here and then blow this commie som' bitch away.

Or write your own caption.

An Airplane Experience You'll Never Have

This cool video (about 3 minutes) is from Boeing's sales department showing some really great things that airlines can do with the new 747-800 interior. I really like the business lounge and exercise room. And I like all the internet terminals everywhere.

But we all know what will REALLY happen: the airlines will rip everything out and squeeze in as many seats as humanly - or inhumanly - possible. The flying experience is getting worse, not better.

Then Why Aren't Women Swooning Over Me?

Is it the short hair? The lack of an accent?

Wait, let me start from the beginning. There is this face-recognition website that will look at your picture and analyze which celebrities you look like (requires registration - give them a dummy email address). So I uploaded my picture and got....Antonio Banderas:

I dunno. I guess there IS an resemblance, but for the record the match is just over 55%. Maybe the one-day shadow gave me the match?

Other celebrates it matched me to were Frank Sinatra (55%) and Joe Pesci (50%). Then there were a couple of guys I never heard of: Joshua Jackson and Matthew Lillard. The woman I look most like - according to this software - is Greta Garbo at 52%. My sister apparently isn't in the database.

So treat this thing as nothing more than a conversation (and blogging) piece.

Hat Tip: Caltech Girl

The Fabulous New Facade - Phase I

About a year and a half ago I totally re-landscaped my back yard, turning it into my Fabulous New Back Yard^TM. By doing a big landscaping project I created an area where I could entertain, upgraded my house without investing that much money, and undertook a project that didn't take a lot of time to complete.

But that project really put off what Mrs. Director and I really wanted to do: put a totally new facade on the house, maybe adding some square footage while we were at it. We've never liked the front of our house. In fact, when we saw it for the first time for an open house, we almost didn't go in. But the upgraded interior and the large back yard won us over, so we just referred to our house as the "Triangle, Aspen House" and decided to deal with the issue later.

I had been thinking about the project for a while and actually started putting feelers out for architects, but four weeks ago I suddenly accelerated the schedule for one big reason: I figured the interest rates had bottomed and home values had peaked. The value-interest gap was as large as it was going to get, so I decided to drive forward with what would normally be the second or third phase of the project - the money - since I already had a budget in mind.

I decided pretty quickly that I wanted to re-fi instead of take out a home equity loan. In order to find the best rate I decided to give Lending Tree a shot, as well as checked with my current Credit Union.

As I went through the Lending Tree application I paused longer and longer as I went through the on-line application. First they want your salary. Then an asset listing. Then your social security number. If this thing isn't legitimate, you are just giving your identity away. But figuring that there is no reward without any risk, I went through with the process. My credit union also had an on-line form, and having already broken the seal, so to speak, I did that one without thinking twice.

Without going into too many details, I'll just say that my Credit Union kicked the BUTT of Lending Tree. Lending Tree claims they compare rates "from hundreds of banks", and they did get back to me quickly with some quotes . They even had a guy call to go over any questions or issues. But my Credit Union came in HALF A PERCENTAGE POINT LOWER than the best rate Lending Tree could find. And we're talking an apples-to-apples comparison on term and amount. The closing costs were about the same, but half a point is a LOT of money over the life of a loan.

I told Lending Tree that they lost and moved forward with the Credit Union. At that point Lending Tree became annoying. They called me up every week asking how my other loan application was going and if I needed to come back to them (hey, guys, check my credit rating again and you tell me if I'm having any problems getting approval). At one point they asked me if I would fax over details of my loan to see if they could do better. I told them not to call me again and hung up. The lesson here: USE A CREDIT UNION. I have been using one for nearly twenty years, and I keep seeing that choice backed up time and time again.

The process took three weeks from the time I applied to the time I was notified of final approval, and I locked in my rate before they started going up a few weeks ago. So I am a happy camper.

The problem now is I have a pile of money hitting my account in a few days without even an architectural concept, never mind a contractor. So I will be scrambling around trying to put that money to use quickly.

The next entry: Phase II - Interviewing the Architects.

What a Difference a Year Makes

I was laid off from my last company one year ago. I didn't like my company or job at the time, and I had feelers out for new jobs, but it was still a bummer to get the axe. Everyone said "you'll look back at this as one of the best things that happened to you!", but it will still a little depressing to be without a job.

Fast forward one year. Tomorrow night - exactly one year after I was given notice - I will be heading to an NBA basketball game to help my CEO co-host a Chinese big-wig and his entourage in a sky box. We also have a few floor-side seats right next to the bench, and we'll be rotating everyone from the skybox to the floor throughout the game. After all, nothing creates more lasting business ties than sitting your five-foot, three inch Chinese guest just inches away from some seven-foot pro basketball players. Actually, it will be interesting to see how the party takes in what will be, for them, a truly foreign experience.

The only problem is that it is a Golden State Warriors game. The good news is that they are playing Phoenix, but the Suns will probably be playing their third string since they are already in the playoffs. Well, maybe next year things will be even better and I can go with my CEO to see a team that has better than a .500 record.

In all seriousness, however, I will say this: if I hadn't been laid off, I wouldn't be in what I consider a great position. There is something about being unemployed that focuses the mind and gets the network humming at a level not possible if you are just lounging around in a lousy job hoping to find a new one.

Numbers That Explain a Mindset

At a business dinner with a Chinese executive (there are a BUNCH here this week as a part of a trade delegation), a colleague at my company was making idle conversation while we ate.

"So your company is in the Chinese province of Guangdong? How many provinces does China have?"

"Twenty-three," our guest replied.

I looked up from my meal and raised my eyebrows at him.

"Including Taiwan," he added. Not wanting to be drawn into an argument he quickly continued, "That, of course, does not include the Autonomous Regions or city-level provinces like Shanghai."

I thought that sort of thinking was reserved for government types, but I have to keep in mind that this guy was traveling as a part of a Chinese delegation, so I should have expected him to toe the Party Line.

The second interesting number came up when my colleague asked our guest how many children he had. "Only one. Those are the rules," he glumly replied. I could have been the Ugly American and said "I also only have one, but I was FREE to make that choice!", but being the polite businessman that I am I nodded gravely and changed the subject.

But I couldn't help wondering if he ever let his angst with the second number conflict with the pride he had in the first number.

A Man With WAY Too Much Time On His Hands

Miller's Time was one of my original "sponsors" in the Bear Flag League. He is now a teacher and on Spring Break, but instead of partying on a beach somewhere, he decided to go through the ENTIRE Bear Flag League and write a summary of what everyone is blogging about. This took a tremendous amount of effort, especially due to the fact that there are quite a few inactive blogs on the list and just separating the those from the active ones took a lot of time.

Go on over and look at what he put together.

The (Not So Ugly) American

The WSJ today (paid link) has a rather insulting article on Americans doing business overseas. Saying that Americans have a problem with their "image", the article gives some rather obvious pointers about doing business overseas like not discussing religion (gee, really?) and slowing down the speed you talk (wow, I thought talking louder would make those "ferners" understand me better).

Here is the email I wrote the author in response:

The "pointers" in your article pertain to anyone doing business anywhere, including Californians doing business in Texas. Good manners and respect for your hosts are Business 101. To insinuate that this is something American business people lack is insulting, at best.

You back up this "problem" with quotes from self-loathing Americans and one foreign quote on Walmart business practices in Germany - this a week after your own paper warned Americans that they need to adopt to foreign customs when overseas companies set up shop in the U.S. Walmart's business polices are hardly "proof" that traveling executives are perceived as anything but professional.

I have been doing extensive business in Asia for nearly a decade, and the only people I have found who have negative attitudes towards Americans are U.S. newspaper reporters.

Are there ugly Americans? Sure there are. There are also ugly Japanese, Chinese, French, and every other nationality under the sun. But no matter what the nationality and culture, there is one thing all business people undertake when traveling overseas for business: doing what it takes to close the deal. And 99% of the time that means doing the right thing from a cultural, respect and knowledge standpoint.

The "ugly American" may exist, but these are the tourists who are spending their hard earned money to dress in loud Hawaiian shirts and be obnoxious - and are the Americans foreigners most want to keep seeing and taking money away from.

The Sign of a True Ukrainian

Never let go of your bottle of vodka:

A thirty-year-old Ukrainian male fell through the ice and remained in ice-cold water for 20 minutes but never let his bottle of vodka go.

As they say, read the whole thing.

How Many Times Have You Been To...?

I was in Taiwan part of last week, which is the reason for the light posting. I was in a contract negotiation and the opposing counsel asked the same small-talk question that always comes up in overseas business meetings: So, how many times have you been to Taiwan?

My response was "About a dozen times", but the right answer is "I don't know". I decided to fix this and sit down with my current and expired passports and go through the stamps. Yes, it's a little tedious, but worthwhile. Here is what I got:

All the Asia travel is since 1998. I have a country breakdown for "W. Europe" when I first started traveling there in 1992, but after a few years all the entries and exits became EU, so I just put it all as W. Europe. This doesn't include Mexico, which doesn't stamp U.S. passports.

I wasn't too far off my Taiwan estimate. Japan is actually less than I thought, but maybe that is because I have spent more than two months in the country altogether.

High School Reunion Movies

Thinking about my reunion I thought I would list a few movies that come to mind that had high school reunions in them:

• Just Friends - Technically not a "reunion" movie since the main character doesn't return home ten years later for a reunion party, but by accident. But the movie has all the reunion themes: showing people how you changed, seeing how everyone else changed, and maybe hooking up with that secret love you had in high school. The problem is the movie sucked. Big Time.

• Since You've Been Gone - This TV movie was about nothing but a reunion - I don't think there was a shot that took place outside the party. I don't think anyone saw it, and for a reason - it was mediocre at best. I think the movie did capture some of the weirdness of reunions, and David Schwimmer was mildly funny as the schmarmy guy in high school who is still schmarmy as an adult.

• Grosse Point Blank - By far, the best movie that centers around a high school reunion. Anything with John Cusack is likely to be good, and besides, who doesn't want to go back to their reunion as a hit man?

I didn't see Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, so can't comment on it. Any other movies with reunion themes that I missed?

My Twenty Year Reunion Weekend

From the strip clubs, pawn shops and adult book stores, I knew I was in Houston. As I drove out of the south side and into the western suburbs, the strip malls gave way to giant trees, leafy canopies, and mega-mansions. I was home.

The Friday event was a casual affair in a popular bar. The football team met early, before the rest of the class got there, and as I entered the bar I stepped back twenty years. There was Mark, Bill, Matt, Joe and the rest, just as I remembered them. Well, maybe they were a little grayer, balder, or heavier, but everyone was recognizable. And although we haven't been in the same room in two decades, there was immediate acceptance; the conversation was easy, as if we were in a huddle only last week. We watched the game film and were amazed at our own abilities from over half our lifetime ago.

Ninety minutes later the rest of the class started filtering in. The Friday event was sans-spouses, and by 10pm the evening essentially turned into a high-school keg party. The beer gave way to tequila shots, couples from twenty years ago were together in corners of the bar frantically whispering to one another, loud music was blaring.

By 11pm the place was so crowded no one could move. I looked over the sea of 38-year olds drinking, talking and dancing and decided that the Class of '86 still knew how to party. I left at 1 am, leaving dozens of people still going strong.

I nursed a hangover most of the next day, feeling fresh enough to go to the formal event the next evening (formal as in "official", not dress, which was "business casual"). It was what everyone pictures when they think of a reunion: a cocktail party where most people bring spouses, a buffet is served, and a DJ plays music from your high school years. It was held at a very nice country club.

This event was bigger and had a larger cross-section of the class than the night before. Truth be told, the majority of the people at the Friday party were mainly the people who went to the keg parties 20 years ago. At the official reunion were those people plus everyone else. It was a little more formal and stuffy, but it was a nice party and I think a successful evening.

Those are the particulars, but what did I think of the reunion experience?

The word everyone kept using was weird. We all have memories of our high school years - good and bad - although I think the bad are mostly forgotten and the good are enhanced as we get older. Whatever those memories, they come into direct conflict with the present in a situation like a reunion. As Fitzgerald wrote in The Great Gatsby (the second time on this blog I have used this quote):

It is sadder to find the past again and find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of memory.

Fitzgerald's point is that we all have memories that don't stack up to present reality, and sometimes it is better to leave those memories in the past. But I lost my hang-ups on high school some time ago. Sure, it took me until I was past 30 to get closure on some of them, but as I close in on 40 I have no Gatsby-like yearnings, regrets, or illusions. So instead of finding the event sad like Fitzgerald, I found it an interesting chance to compare the kids I knew at eighteen to the adults they are today. And here is what I observed:

• Everyone's basic personality really hasn't changed except in one way: certain aspects have been amplified in the last twenty years. For example, I talked to one guy I used to know pretty well, and the thing that struck me about him was that he was so sour about his life. He described his wife, kids, good job and house in a nice Houston neighborhood, but he acted like he was living in a slum in the Philippines picking through garbage to feed his family. I thought about it and decided that this seed of his personality was already there in high school. It's just more amplified now.
  
  As I went through the two evenings I kept seeing this over and over and over again. People hadn't really changed, just certain aspects of their personality have become more dominant over the last twenty years.

• The men are aging gracefully. The women are not.

• While the women aren't pushing 40 with a lot of grace, I didn't complain when women who never talked to me in school came up and gave me a big hug, telling me how wonderful it was to see me. I wanted to say: You wouldn't give me the time of day 20 years ago, and now you're Mrs. Friendly?!? But hey, they did seem genuine. The highlight was when Lisa, the most popular and most beautiful girl in our class not only hugged me, but talked to me for 10-15 minutes. These were the first sentences she had ever spoken to me.

• I either knew people right off, or not at all. I was honest one time, telling a girl not only did I not remember her name, but I had no memory of who she was once she explained. I watched her face sort of unhinge as I told her this, so I went to "Oh, HI, I remember you!" even when I didn't.

• By and large, you interact and sometimes talk to a lot of people in high school, but you aren't friends with them. Sort of like colleagues from work. So what do you say twenty years later at a party to people who you sort of remember, but won't see or talk to again until the next reunion? I basically had a standard list of questions I used over and over and over again throughout the evening. Here's what my side of the conversation sounded like:
  
  - So, you still in Houston?
  
  - What are you up to these days?
  
  - Married? Have kids?
  
  Which isn't too different from any other cocktail party. I also developed my own "elevator pitch" telling people where I was and what I did. All I can say is that mine seemed to become more interesting to people once I said I lived in "The OC" (about the only thing that lousy soap opera has been good for).
  

So I had a good time and interesting experience. While most of the people I won't see again for five or ten years until the next reunion, there are actually about a dozen people I will stay in touch with, thanks to this new-fangled internet email that wasn't around when I was a kid. And the football team seems determined to have another keg party before the next reunion. Maybe the Friday night party will become an annual event?

Political Correctness in California (Imagine That)

While we all anxiously await Mr. Director's musings on his 20 year high school reunion, I thought I would take this opportunity to guest blog.

Hmmm, no munchkin, no husband, no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry and an unbridled focus on myself. Ahhh, the life of a narcissist. But, I digress.

I took this unique opportunity to head up to the mountains today. The mountains do something special for my psychological well being - by surrounding me with beauty and fresh air, and reminding me of God's incredible foresight. The snow and mountains remind me of why I work and always bring me to the core of who I am - someone who likes to be challenged and humbled at the same time. My ski days are all about just being and observing.

To my great horror, I observed today that I was not in fact, at a ski resort. Indeed, as I read the logos on the Mountain High employee's ski attire, I realized I was at a WINTER SPORT RESORT.

This phraseology is of course designed to accommodate the snowboarders.

It's not that I have anything against snowboarding per say, other than the obnoxious attitude that goes with it, the smoking in the life lines, the incessant swearing, the pushing of the snow off the mountain and the ruination of perfectly good moguls. Not to mention having to negotiate around the elements in the terrain parks where they thoughtfully remind snowboarders "Call your drop in" (dorks).

My pain is an emotional one where I feel as though this is like changing Christmas songs such as "We wish you a Merry Christmas" to "We wish you a Happy Holiday". Though I don't particularly object to the inclusion, I find myself asking, is this REALLY necessary? Have snowboarders been disenfranchised in some way? Do we need to make amends for something?

Perhaps my frustration would be lessened if I thought that they appreciated the fact that their feelings had been considered in naming the resort.

But I doubt it. They are too busy thinking about themselves and behaving obnoxiously, you know, being narcissists.