More HR Lies

From the mail bag:

I was brought in by a company to interview for a senior financial position, and from the first phone call it was apparent they were looking to fill the slot in a hurry. They tried to get me to come in for an interview ASAP, and during the interview I found out that the person currently filling the slot is leaving the company for personal reasons with little notice. The company wants the replacement to overlap by a few days to insure a smooth transition, so they want to fill the slot quickly.

During the interview, they kept asking how soon I could start, even asking if I could give my current employer less than two weeks minimum notice. I told them I would be flexible, and left the interview feeling that it went extremely well. The next day they informed me that they "needed to get everyone in the same room to discuss the position" and would let me know about the position in a week.

If this is for a slot they need to fill in a hurry, why the wait?

You're waiting because you are not the first choice. And the HR department doesn't have the guts, ethics, or professional courtesy to tell you that.

What is likely going on is that they extended an offer to the first pick, giving that person a week to negotiate, close or reject the offer. They want you hanging on in the mean time in case that deal falls through, in which case they will then extend you an offer. If the first pick accepts, you will find out that the "position has already been filled".

There is nothing wrong with being the second pick. The top two picks for an open position usually have similar resumes, backgrounds and credentials, the "winner" usually determined on something subjective. If it were a "group decision" it could even be that you ARE the first pick with several team members, but lost out by a single vote. Whatever the case, being second pick still means there is the chance you will land the position if the first person bows out. There's nothing to be ashamed about. What is shameful in this case, however, is how this company is deciding to treat you: lying to your face and stringing you along as back-up.

Nancy Persnekapowski did the same thing to me for the high-school homecoming dance. Like I did in that situation, you have to decide if the object of your desire is really worth while, or if the way they are treating you says something deeper about who they are.

I think a truly professional organization would tell you exactly where you stand, and why, allowing you to make the decision that's professionally right for you whether you wanted to stay a candidate. But we know already that HR types lie, break promises, and treat candidates like crap. The question is: how long will candidates put up with it?

I Don't Get It

The final passage of the Energy Bill extends Daylight Savings by 4 weeks instead of 8 weeks. I prefer the longer version - or even a permanent DLS - but will take what I can get. The news article discussing the bill had this:

Farmers said the change would adversely affect livestock.

Huh?

DLS is nothing more than a mass rescheduling of the day. Think if it as working 8-4 instead of 9-5. School goes from 7-2 instead of 8-3. So if you are retired and don't work, don't have kids to prepare for school, own a Tivo, and shop at stores that are open 24/7 (or on-line), DLS has little affect on your life.

Farmers - and cows - set their own hours. Except for occasional market events like auctions and the like, how does DLS have any change on livestock? The farmer can decide when he is going out to the barn and milk. Can someone out there fill me in, or is this just a silly argument?

The Business Experiment Moves Forward

The Business Experiment is currently casting its tenth and final vote on the "first round" of ideas. Each vote had around five business ideas, so it's been pretty interesting parsing and selecting what business is "best" from only a high-level description. But that is what the first phase of the experiment is all about. The theory is that a group - as a whole - will make a better decision based on a high-level overview than going into a deep dive analyses on all 50 ideas and then discussing each one at length.

Ideas that pass the first round, however, will have a more detailed analysis and discussion for the second round of voting, now that we have supposedly separated the wheat from the chaff. I should note that of five votes tallied so far, none of my first picks made it out of the first round. Draw your own conclusions on either me or the "crowd".

One interesting thing that has come up from the voting was an observation by Rob, who is driving the experiment:

Has anyone watched the votes at several different times during the day? It seems that, with the exception of one poll, once we get 40-50 votes, the results stay at about the same ratios.

I suggested this is a result of sample theory - which is the principle used in polling. You don't need to get a "vote" from every single person in a group to get an accurate representation of what a group wants, you only need to get a large enough sample - the result will be the same.

The interesting issue this brings up about "Wisdom of Crowds" decision making is that the whole "group" isn't needed to make a decision, only a representative sample. So what does that say about the concept in general and how you put it to work? It's a topic that a core group of us in the Experiment are now kicking around.

For the Man Who Has Everything

Everyone is asking what the lovely Mrs. Director got me for my birthday. She has a hard time thinking of gifts for me since since if I want something, I go out and buy it (and I don't want a whole lot). So she has to think of something I need that I hadn't thought of. Or something I wouldn't buy myself.

She thought a long time this year and came up with a good one: a wireless, remote BBQ thermometer from Brookstone (catalog picture shown):



You plug the thermometer into the steak, and carry the monitor around with you like a PDA. It has a wireless connection and tells you - with a female voice - when the meat is at the specified temperature (rare, medium, etc.). I thought it was a better conversation piece than tool, but I grilled steaks with it tonight and it worked great. It's the perfect accessory to my testosterone-heavy, 36", four-burner gas grill.

Maybe This is My Year

I turned 37 today. As I rolled out of bed this morning, I realized that as I get closer to my statistical half-way point, that I am running out of time. Just consider:

Age 20 - Gates co-founds Microsoft
Age 21 - Jobs co-founds Apple Computer
Age 24 - Newton invents (discovers?) Calculus
Age 26 - Einstein states the Theory of Relativity
Age 28 - Fitzgerald pens The Great Gatsby
Age 30 - Edison invents the phonograph
Age 31 - Mozart writes Eine kleine Nachtmusik, one of his most recognizable pieces
Age 32 - Alexander conquers most of the known world
Age 33 - Christ makes the Ultimate Sacrifice
Age 35 - Napoleon crowns himself emperor
Age 36 - Churchill appointed First Lord of the Admiralty
Age 37 - Director Mitch ???

So I seem to be a little behind.

A Chinese Belgian Effort to Combine German Beer and American Rap?

This seems to be the week of posting strange "Engrish" findings from China. The latest is from Rorschach, who swears that this Hong Kong bar just serves beer - and nothing else (yeah, right)

Match the Mission Statement

I have volunteered to be the team leader for writing the business plan over at The Business Experiment. The business hasn't been selected - it is being voted on over the next week - but I am getting things set up to get the plan written once the business is selected.

One question that came in on the forum today was if a "mission statement" is included in a business plan. I think this term needs to be defined before an answer can be given.

The "goal" of a business is definitely included in a business plan. The plan states the product or service, the revenue it will generate, the profits will it return, and how the enterprise is going to do this. This is what a business plan is all about: telling investors what your goal is and how you're going to achieve it.

But "mission statement" usually refers to the generic-sounding, warm-and-fuzzy statements that HR departments put into customer conference rooms. 90% of the ones I have seen are worthless, although that leaves a few out there are pretty good. But those 90% have given Mission Statements such a bad reputation that there is a random mission statement generator that puts out stuff that is as good as anything out there.

But I thought I would look into this a little further and check into some mission statements of some large, well-known companies to see if bigger meant better. After all, a large, well-known company should have a mission statement that should be easy to identify, even if you didn't have the company name in front of you. So here they are, with anything taken out that would identify the specific industry. See if you can match them up. Answers in the comments section:

Companies in Alphabetical Order: Apple, Dell, Ford, GE, Honda, HP, IBM, Intel, Microsoft, Panasonic/Matsushita

1. We continuously strive for synergy between technology, systems, and human resources to provide products and services that meet the quality, performance and price aspirations of our customers.

2. Do a great job for our customers, employees, and stockholders by being the preeminent building block supplier to the worldwide digital economy

3. This company flatly states they have no mission statement.

4. Be the most successful xyz company in the world at delivering the best customer experience in markets we serve.

5. To enable people and businesses throughout the world to realize their full potential

6. We will democratize (our product)

7. Produce high-quality, low cost, easy to use products that incorporate high technology for the individual. We are proving that high technology does not have to be intimidating to non-experts.

8. We strive for the creation of new values, by pursuing user-friendliness and accomplishing a high-tech mindset, driven by challenging spirits and full speed of actions.

9. To be the best service organization in the world

10. To grow by continually providing useful and significant products, services and solutions to markets we already serve — and to expand into new areas that build on our technologies, competencies and customer interests.

My Million Dollar Book Idea

While working out for the third time in 36 hours this weekend, the thought occurred to me for a weight-loss book that would sell millions. And it would be short - only two sentences.

Title: How to lose 25 lbs in 6 months

Sentence 1: Exercise more
Sentence 2: Eat Less

Okay, maybe it's not THAT simple. One has to have time to exercise, and I understand that those with heavy job and family responsibilities may have trouble doing that. So I think the real trick is finding an exercise that you really enjoy. This way it isn't about "exercising", it's about making time for a hobby. And fitness becomes just a byproduct of the hobby.

For example, I know tons of people who swear that running just melts pounds away. It's probably true, but even in my current high-stamina, limber state, the thought of lacing up shoes and jogging down some road just...sucks. Suit me up in a martial arts uniform and tell me you are going to work my butt off to the point that I am gasping for air and have legs that feel like lead weights, and I'm there. For me, I also think the group dynamic of martial arts helps versus running, which is largely a solo activity.

So my book is now more than two sentences.

Then I would have to add an "afterword" for those who are successful in their weight-loss program: people who tell you that you look too thin. Mothers and grandmothers fall into this category, especially ones who like to cook. So I am bracing myself for my next visit with my Ukrainian grandmother-in-law. She will take one look and start immediately start feeding me.

Another China Mystery

Reporter in the field "Shakel" sends in the following picture from his trip to China. After sending it to various Sinotologists, experts in language, and marketing guys who have logged lots of miles in Asia, no one has offered an explanation of what "Laughing Bag Counter of Entrance" means.


Anybody have any suggestions?

China Re-Evaluates the Yuan

It will be interesting to see what affect the changing the value of China's Yuan will have on the U.S. trade balance. Technically is is not a true "float" as they will limit is value in within a band of values, and the initial change is below value that U.S. trade representatives wanted. But this could change prices for everything from toys to clothes at the local Wallmart.

Update: The "re-evaluates" is a pun done on purpose, for those who asked.

Sometimes Ignorance Is Helpful

I attended a board meeting of a public company today. I was brought in as back-up by the Executive Vice President who was doing a presentation based on a consulting report I did for him. The EVP never needed me, so I largely kept my mouth shut until the end, when the meeting turned more informal and lunch was brought in.

I purposely didn't look up any of the names or profiles of the members of the board before the meeting. Instead, I just walked into a room and met a bunch of serious looking older guys who pleasantly introduced themselves as Tom, Dick or Harry, just like any other business meeting.

It wasn't until after the meeting that I looked them up and found out they weren't just any Tom, Dick or Harry. Most of the board members were heavy hitters in business with extremely long, impressive resumes running large, well-respected companies or financial institutions.

I think not knowing who they were ahead of time allowed me to be myself and chat to the executive at my right elbow like he was just another guy. That comes across as confidence.

I Never Feel Sorry for HR People

(I have) Mixed emotions, Buddy: like Larry Wildman going off a cliff in my new Maserati. - Gordon Gekko, Wallstreet

HP announced they will laying off 10% of their workforce over the next several quarters. I usually get a little depressed reading these types of stories, but perked up when I got to this part:

Most of the job cuts will come in support functions such as...human resources...

I think all HR idiots people should face huge periods of unemployment, have their resumes and letters go unanswered, be treated condescendingly by people who have half their IQ, and be grilled about their job function by those who have no understanding of what they do. Maybe it would teach these scumbags so-called professionals what it's like being on the other side of the table, but I doubt it. My guess is that there is a secret HR handshake or code word, and unemployed HR people get their calls, emails and resumes answered quickly and professionally by other HR people, even if it to say that the position is filled.

Daylight Savings to be Extended?

The WSJ is carrying a story today (paid link only) on how the current energy bill that is winding its way through congress extends daylight savings one month on both ends. Instead of going from early April to the end of October, it would go from early March to the end of November.

This would put the country on non-DLS for a whopping three months a year: December, January, and February. The extension is not a done deal, but the article puts its passage at a very high probability. And it would take effect immediately - we would not go off our current DLS until the end of November this year (the Sunday after Thanksgiving, in fact, giving travelers a 25 hour day for the last day of the weekend).

Personally, I like this change. The politicians like the supposed energy savings (100K barrels of oil a day), but I am one of the large majority of Americans that like it due to the lifestyle and leisure options it opens up. I would probably approve going on "permanent" DLS, but I do understand the issues that some have with it, sending kids to school in the dark and the like (although I remember going to school in the dark plenty during standard-time winter months, so I am not sure how much of an issue this really is).

Obviously this doesn't affect Arizona and parts of Illinois that opt out of DLS, and if there are large communities (typically rural) that don't like the change, more areas could decide to opt out if they can get passage through their state legislatures. But count me as one who is rooting for its passage.

Update: A second article the following day in the WSJ says the extension is on hold due to complaints by various groups. I guess this could be on hold for a while, or indefinitely.

2005 World Growth Rates

Reporter in the field Rorschach sends in the following picture, which was compiled with data from the World Bank and OECD Economic Outlook:

The U.S. and European numbers are not surprising as they are consistent to what has been reported in the WSJ and other MSM sources. China, India and Japan are also frequently sited.

What I did find surprising was Africa and South America. The "North Africa and Mid East" area is most likely being propped by the rising price of oil. Sub-Saharan Africa doesn't look right to me based on all the hand-outs they are asking for, but when you start on such a low base I guess any growth look large. "South America" is probably being propped by Brazil, as well as oil prices, but is masking a few really poor performers in the area when grouped as a whole continent.

But one thing that really hits home is a piece of data only partly brought out in this chart: The U.S. - the world's largest economy - has growth that is about double the next largest economy, Japan, and three times the third largest economy, Germany (grouped in with Europe). And we are starting from a GDP that is over two and a half times larger than the next largest competitor.

I don't think the average person on the street realizes what an economic powerhouse the U.S. is., but part of that is probably because the nearest democrat is consistently telling them how rotten the economy is - when it isn't.

Marketing 101 - Staying out of Divisive Issues

This post is about business, but includes politics. But since the point I am trying to get across is the business aspect, I am leaving out the political details. What's important is that companies need to stay away from divisive political issues - or if they feel they must get involved, at least understand the costs of taking a position.

I spend several thousand dollars each year with my insurance company - life, auto and home policies add up. Recently, I was shocked to learn that they made several large donations to a divisive political issue that I don't agree with. It was something that I decided that I couldn't ignore, so I notified my insurance agent that I was leaving him and why.

He responded that he understood, but noted that there were probably other causes they gave to that I did agree with. My real view is that corporations should be "donating" back to their customers to let THEM decide where to spend the money, but since that wasn't going to happen, I wrote the following response back, which includes the Marketing 101 lesson I am trying to get across:

Thanks for the email.

I am sure that (Company) makes contributions to organizations that I agree with, but any company with customers across a broad spectrum should stick to charities that help puppies and the poor. Contributing to a cause that is divisive in any way will alienate one portion or another of the customer base - this is learned in Marketing 101. If anything, this move is telling about the sophistication and intelligence of the people running the company.

In this case, however, I think this is an attempt to market to one portion of the population. Most corporations decide to remain completely neutral in this regard and stay out of (the issue). (Company), however, crossed the line and is actively promoting (issue), which many people actively oppose. Now (Company) has painted itself into a corner. Any move by (Company) to publicly reverse this policy will now upset another set of customers, so now no matter what (Company) does - keeping the policy or changing it - it is going to lose customers, which is why neutrality is taught in Marketing 101. It is pretty simple.

I don't blame you - you are caught between a rock and a hard place between a customer and corporate policy. But after thinking on this for a while, I decided that a message had to be sent to corporations that actions have consequences. (Company) made a decision on what customer base they want to have - and thus which one they don't want - and now has to live with the decision.

You Can Choose Your Friends

We have to interact with all sorts of people in our daily life that we normally wouldn't associate with. This means we have to work with morons, do business with check-out girls wearing opposition political buttons, and chit-chat at school functions with fellow-parents whose grasp of world events is tenuous, at best.

Even if all these people hold views that are diametrically opposed to ours, civility and grace require us to be polite, hold our tongue, and act as if nothing were amiss. And, quite frankly, taking actions in these cases just doesn't make sense. It's silly to make a fuss since some check-out girl is a political idiot. You ignore it and go on with life.

But in our leisure life, we can choose whom we interact with and how. We can choose to spend it with people who agree with us politically, have the same religion, like the same sports team, vote the same way, or share any other view or activity that we hold dear. Or we can spend it arguing with those who don't agree with us (like having a "yell-off" with opposing fans at a football game). But there's nothing that says that we have to spend our leisure life acting nice to people who are complete idiots from our point of view. You have to do that during your "normal life", so why do it when you have the option not to?

This subject is brought to light by two bloggers this week. First, here's Betsy who had to deal with a Lefty Loony for a couple days in a work-type environment where she had to be civil:

There is also a certain jargon of partisanship that just doesn't seem appropriate when faced with someone of the opposite tribe in person, particularly while wired for recording. It just doesn't seem the thing to call the other person a moonbat whack job in person. Perhaps if more bloggers of differing ideologies knew each other, the level of mutual disdain and biting sarcasm would be lowered. Or perhaps not. It is hard to be gracious when you so deeply disagree with everything the other side believes, but we can but try. I know I fall off the wagon regularly. And don't feel all that guilty afterwards, so perhaps, I'm just succumbing to a mild, Pollyannaish attack of civility.

(emphasis mine). Then there is this from Patterico, who is absolutely glowing about meeting a far-lefty blogger at the BFL Conference this weekend:

I just learned that Kevin Drum will be attending. I respect Kevin (who is wrong about almost everything) a lot, and love his blog. I am very much looking forward to meeting him.

Well, to each his own. I stopped reading Drum when he claimed in an environmental editorial that all republicans were in favor of poisoning children. It's one thing to be in support of a certain environmental stance, but that type of rhetoric was over the top. Now, I'm no saint - I certainly threw a few firebombs in this blog during the last election (part of the fun of blogging) - but I don't expect my opposition to praise me for it, and I would expect them to call me on it if they were to meet me in person.

But on a deeper level, why would someone look forward to meeting someone who is diametrically opposed to everything they believe in? Unless you really enjoy arguing. But that isn't the issue here. BFL email exchanges about the conference have "warned" everyone not to offend Mr. Drum. It might make the BFL, and by extension the Right, look bad to the left side of the aisle. And we can't offend the opposition, can we? They might think badly about us and write nasty things.

I signed up for this conference with some reservation. It is nearly dominated by those who support the homosexual agenda, which is something I vigorously oppose. But since these people also call themselves "republicans", in the spirit of fair exchange and since there was some common ground, I decided to let it go. Add some left-wingers to the group, however, and this gathering is little different from any other random Southern California gathering.

So my fellow BFLers do not have to worry about me showing up and saying mean, nasty things to Mr. Drum that might make them look bad to those who disagree with everything they stand for. I have other things I can do with my leisure time on a Sunday afternoon - I'll be at the beach!

No More Whale

In a post earlier this week I talked about how I wasn't all that concerned about my daily traffic since I see blogging more as a pastime than anything else. It's also a way to organize my thoughts, meet like-minded people, and share ideas and jokes.

So if I am not going to concern myself over traffic, the same should also be true for "linkage", which is another metric bloggers measure themselves by. The most popular method for this is the TLB system. I have to admit this was a good milestone to measure oneself while getting going, but after a year or so at the same spot, I think this tool no longer applies to me.

So while I will probably check it from time to time, I am taking it off the sidebar. Actually, I would have done it sooner except I thought the picture I used for my ranking of "Large Mammal" was pretty cool, so I will miss that more than anything else.

I'll probably make some other changes in the coming weeks.

New Stock Option Rule Hit Lower Ranks

I once read something - I can't remember where, but I think it was Stanley Bing - that went something like this (I can't find the direct quote, but here's the essence of it):

No matter how well you do your job, no matter how well you are liked by your superiors, no matter how irreplaceable you are to the organization, your boss will eliminate your high-paying job in order to keep his high-paying job.

This seemingly obvious statement hit me for some reason, I think because it called out how little of business is a "team effort". For the vast majority of managers out there, "work" comes down to little more than keeping their job and increasing their compensation, and little else.

This concept goes all the way to the top in most organizations, which is why periodic attempts by the federal government to "rein in executive compensation" does little more than hurt the lower rank and file. This is because the corporations (run by CEOs and board members who are CEOs of other companies) just rejigger the rules and accounting to keep their compensation the same and force the brunt of the ruling onto the lower ranks - they will eliminate as many jobs or perks below them to keep what they have.

Which is why I was not surprised by a little article tucked away in the 4th section of the WSJ yesterday:

Cuts to equity-compensation plans, being made as a new expensing rule is about to take effect, will effect lower-level employees the most, according to a study by Deloitte Consulting.

...

Among those reducing stock options, 45% said reductions would occur below management level.

The secretaries and entry-level employees kissing their stock options goodbye can thank the FASB's new accounting rule requiring companies to treat employee stock options as an expense. Although it has no fundamental change to the business, it will force companies who don't want to see the income hit cut stock options - and they aren't going to cut them from the top.

No Clown Shoes for Me

I don't know what it is, but fashion designers for men have some serious problems when it comes to shoes.

Finding that the soles of my current "dress shoes" (aka hard-sole-shoes) were starting to wear thin, I went to the mall to get a new pair. Since my foot has been the same size for nearly two decades, I don't have to try shoes on, just look for the style I wanted:

o Slip-Ons - I'm an airport every week traveling to my client. And airports these days mandate that all hard-soled-shoes be taken off at the security check point. Since my goal is to brisk through security as quickly as possible I don't want to be sitting there lacing up my shoes for a few minutes, meaning slip-ons are a must. In addition, assuming I travel to Asia again, many restaurants there require you to take off your shoes, creating another reason for slip-ons.

o No Pilgrim Shoes - A year or two ago the rage in men's shoes was to put a big-ass buckle on the top, making them look stylish enough for pilgrims. Every time I see someone wearing these I expect to look up and see them wearing a wide-brimmed hat with a similar buckle.

o No Clown Shoes - The Pilgrim shoes might be fading out of style, but in their place, Enrique', Seth, and the other men's fashion designers have replaced it with something else: the clown shoe.

These are apparently the rage since 80% of the stock out there look like this: long, wide front - much larger than the foot - with a very wide toe. Here's a side-by-side comparison. If black laces were put on the clown shoes, they could pass for current fashion:

Now Mrs. Director might call me out of style, but I need something by next week that will allow me to present to a bunch of old fogies sitting on the board of a public company. And for that sort of thing, there is one style of shoe that is timeless: wingtips. Slip-on wingtips (like the picture at the top of this page). The problem is, you can't find them in the mall. They have all been replaced with Pilgrim and Clown shoes.

Did I Scare Everyone Away?

I don't usually check my site statistics since that isn't what drives me to blog - I do it for fun, my own amusement, as a hobby, whatever you might want call it. But today I decided to open my weekly email from Sitemeter on my traffic and I noticed that my average daily hits went from ~90 to 10. Something was obviously wrong.


I figured out that I didn't put the Sitemeter into the new template when I changed my layout a couple of weeks ago - obviously done on July 1 - which has now been remedied. Either that I posted something that really pissed people off.

A Grand Business Experiment

Rob over at Business Pundit has started an impressive project: to create a company using only blogging, podcasting and other tools of the internet. The idea is similar to Open Source software, but to applied to the whole business plan:

Yes, you heard correctly. Business bloggers and readers will test their cumulative business knowledge by collectively starting and running a business - out in the open.

Can we do it? I don't know. It seems crazy, and counterintuitive to everything that we think about business, but that is why I want to do it.

This project intersects with some concepts I have been thinking about on the "virtual corporation". I think macroeconomic developments in the U.S. economy coupled with demographic shifts and changing American work habits will force huge changes to how companies do business over the next 20 years. The networked PC has created a seismic shift in retailing, and the next phase will be to change how "work" is accomplished.

I see the project as a case study more than anything. If it becomes profitable, great, but I think its real value is as a lab experiment on new ways to do business. The web site for the project is here, and I'll update its progress here from time to time.

Don't Waste Time at Work - Work at Home

A popular story making the rounds in the blogosphere today is a survey stating that workers waste 2 hours each day at the office doing non-work activities. This sort of segues into a comment Mrs. Director made to me just yesterday about me working at home: "What, did you put in all of six hours of work today?"

My response was "Yes, that's exactly how much I worked", but one needs to understand that when I work for 6 hours from home, I am working for six hours. There is no chatting with other office workers - there are none. There is no wasted time in meetings - there are none. There is no time fighting bureaucracy, dealing with employees, schmoozing with the boss, or any of the other things people do at work that isn't "work". When I am working at home, it is in pure "work".

What this means is that I get more accomplished in less time than a full-time worker at an office. And this means that I get to do other things during the day that I want to do, like taking a Tae Kwon Do class, running errands, or taking a leisurely lunch. But when I get back into a real office, I revert back to a "normal" employee just because of how the U.S. workplace is structured.

For example, I am at "work" today at the offices of my consulting client. However, my manager is caught in a meeting that is running late, and I have nothing to do while I wait for him. So I am typing out a blog entry - I am "at work", but not working. If I were at home, I would still be blogging. Only then it wouldn't count as "work", so would contribute to the seemingly low number of hours put in for the day.

Free Airport WIFI

As I sit here waiting in John Wayne Airport for my flight this morning I found a free WIFI node provided by an outfit called Nextphase Wireless. I don't know why it's free, except maybe to "seed" people into using it, then once they get people using it, they can ask for money once they hit critical mass. But that really isn't necessary in an airport. Looking through their web site, their model seems to be to get property owners to provide the service, but I can't imagine a government entity providing it for free. Maybe it isn't "free", but was a 10 cent adder to my higher-than-usual cup of Starbucks (nearly $3 just for a Venti coffee).

Just a tip for the next time anyone is stuck in John Wayne (I was going to add that John Wayne is the only airport named after an actor. However, that's not true, is it? Reagan National is named after an president, who was once an actor. Maybe it is the only U.S. airport named for an actor)?

Some Tips on Asking for Free Stuff

To: The Person Who Wanted a Copy of My Valuation Spreadsheet

FR: Mitch

RE: Your Request

Dear Sir:

First, I must say that I am flattered that you were intrigued with my valuation spreadsheet and that it might help you in your start-up. However, please note the following:

1. Who are You? - I am a big believer in networking and helping others, but your name isn't familiar to me. Do you have a blog? I apologize if I already link to it and don't realize it, but I know a lot of people better by their blog names than their real names (e.g. if Rob, Jeff, or Justene sent me an email with just their name it might take me a few minutes to guess who they were). I checked out the domain name of your email and I am sorry to say that I am also not familiar with your current company (or is this the start-up?).

2. Where are You? - The spreadsheet represents hours of work and I am not in the habit of sending my work haphazardly over email. The "contact" info on your web page was blank.

3. What are You Doing? - What's your start-up? Give me some more info; start a dialog. Maybe I can give you more hints than just a spreadsheet. Networking is about engaging someone in something interesting, not just sending them a list of things they could do to help you. If I was intellectually engaged in the effort, you'd might be surprised by how much I could help.

4. Is There a Deal? - If you read my blog, you'll know that I am currently consulting to put food on the table, and this spreadsheet is one of my consulting tools. There is nothing in it that I would consider "proprietary", but it would take a couple of days of work to recreate it, assuming someone had the right knowledge. If you are not into the networking tips above, maybe you could use a gun-for-hire (and with start-ups, there are ways to do non-cash deals).

Please review the above and resend me an email if you would like to engage.

Sincerely,
Mitch

The Deal Optimism Cycle

While helping my current client out on an acquisition, I noticed that, like any deal, there is a periodic cycle in which optimism and euphoria on whether the deal will happen is followed by pessimism and dread that the whole thing has been a waste of time.


The cycle is approximately every 12 hours and is closely synched with the most recent time you had the legal team in the room, since their job seems to consist of why the deal shouldn't be done, while the finance and marketing due diligence teams' job is to tell you why it should be done.

Security No Slower Than Usual Today

After hearing about the blasts in London this morning, I thought I would give myself more time at the airport, figuring they would be on "heightened security", meaning longer waits.

I blew through faster than normal, and am now on-line, drinking coffee, and waiting for my plane, so maybe security isn't that heightened. Or maybe the regular security is so good that "heightened" doesn't mean anything. Or maybe it's because Thursday is the second slowest travel day of the week.

The Other Side of the Spreadsheet

I was laid off two months ago as a result of my company cutting several product groups from its portfolio. It wasn't that the division wasn't doing well, it was that the company was in severe financial straits and had to cut something. Some VP or accountant decided it would be my group, so I was let go along with the rest of my group. It wasn't personal, it was a result of a spreadsheet calculation.

Now I am on the other side of the spreadsheet. I am doing some consulting for an acquisition, and it's amazing how fast numbers people can be cut.

CFO: Mitch, I sent you the headcount projections and related expenses. At that number of employees, the numbers don't come out that well.

Mitch: That is a lot of people for the projects that are lined up.

CFO: Can you provide me a project roadmap and resource breakdown?

...30 minutes later...

Mitch: So, looking at the numbers, I think the same number of projects can be done with 15% fewer people, although I would want to add to the marketing staff.

CFO: Okay, we'll cut 12% and shift some people into marketing.

And, poof, just like that, should this acquisition go through, about one out of eight people will be shown the door and a few will get the exciting opportunity to go into marketing.

I'm Old for a Blogger

MIT is running a blogging survey. Like any on-line survey where participants are self-selecting, there is an issue of how accurate the results are, but with over 50,000 people participating so far, my guess is that the results are statistically accurate.

I thought the age distribution graph to date was interesting. When you re-log in to take a look at the results, it highlights your answer. So you can see in the graph below where I stick out as an old man in blogger land, although my guess is that all the "majors" are up there with me.

Click on the below to take the survey yourself.

My Corporate Valuation Workbook

I'm really good at writing business plans. I can put together a slide set and related text showing why - from a marketing perspective - a certain idea should be funded, an acquisition take place, or a division spun out to stand on its own.

Unfortunately, "C-level" type executives also like to see a financial analysis to back up the pretty slides and marketing shtick, so I have had to develop - with help from others - what has become my standard financial model for corporate valuation. So, at the request of Dutch, I'll share an overview of what this looks like (I am taking the screen shots from a start-up that never got funded, so no proprietary data will show up).

First, the Excel workbook contains all the basic financial aspects of the enterprise, each having its own tab:

These are all linked together, so a change in, say, average sales price (ASP), cascades through the workbook and shows up the cashflow, income statement and breakeven tabs, so "what-if" analyses are easily done on the fly.

The spreadsheet is broken down by quarters throughout the analysis, with yearly roll-ups provided as needed. As seen here in the Capital Costs sheet, there is not a lot of detail in some of the headings, so I usually add additional sheets that provide a full breakdown, and link the sum into this sheet. I also usually tie the spreadsheet into any written analysis I have done, which is why in this example you see "phases", which were outlined in the written business case.

The Operating Expense sheet has proven pretty valuable since most people don't consider a lot of the little things that add up while running a business: postage, long distance, consultants like me. In most of my spreadsheets (although not this one) most of the operating charges are based on headcount, so changing headcount changes not only the salary line, but all other expenses for the business, such as required square footage.

I am not going to bore you with screen shots of every tab, so let's just say that the sales tab is based on product volume and ASP, and that Cost of Goods Sold (COGS) is based on variable costs. Everything rolls up into the tabs that everybody really wants to see: income, cash flow and break-even:

This spreadsheet evolved over several iterations, and I've been toting around the current version for about half a decade now. It's proven very valuable since it is a necessary part of writing a business plan.

A $50 Insurance Policy

Canadian Doctors Stockpile Tamiflu for Personal Use - June 24 - Excerpt: In the first wave of a pandemic, there will probably not be enough vaccine available to treat everyone...Antivirals like Tamiflu are going to be critically important

U.S. chastised on flu preparedness - June 26 - Excerpt: A new report is warning that California would be hit hard in the event of a pandemic influenza and that the U.S. government isn't doing enough to prepare for it.

Vietnam reports avian flu death, toll up to 55 - June 30 - Excerpt: Vietnam reported another human death from avian flu Thursday, bringing the regional toll to 55 as the country struggled to contain the virus.

Avian flu far deadlier than previously thought - July 2 - Excerpt: The (Chinese) government's early reluctance to release information about the outbreak fueled concern about a possible cover-up and rumors on Web sites that as many as 120 people had died of the flu

While in Chicago I had a physician friend of Mrs. Director write a prescription for Tamiflu, which I have added to the family drug stockpile. Being prepared counts, and if there is an epidemic, you can bet that Tamiflu will be impossible to obtain.

New Look or Old?

Reader Ed points out that Blogger fixed the problem with my old format - right after I spent a good deal of time getting the new layout to a point where I sort of like it.

So what will it be? Do you like the new look, or the old look, archived here?

Comments Fixed

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been re-added (sorry, Rorschach, we'll lose your one comment on the Blogger comments). Now I just have to figure out how to modify the sidebar layout.

Update: Dutch Driver (who gave me the head's up on the Haloscan fix) tells me two comments are now turned on - Blogger and Haloscan. I am not seeing this if anyone else is. If so, leave a comment in the Haloscan comment.

Also, I am still playing with the format, so be patient with this over the weekend.